I’m a single pringle, and am happy to be. If that doesn’t sound like you, I totally get it- for some, love is the most important thing there is, and we even have a whole holiday to celebrate it. Valentine’s is a sweet day for celebrating love, in all it’s beautiful forms, though it is mostly associated with romance. However, in recent years, this has been beginning to change, especially as demographic shifts show us that modern generations are less likely to prioritize love or relationships in their lives, and many are getting sick and tired of dating app fatigue.

And dating apps aren’t just tedious and addicting- they can also be dangerous. According to a 2020 Pew Research study, 60 percent of female users ages 18 to 34 say someone on a dating site or app continued to contact them after they said they were not interested, and 35 percent of all users had received unwanted sexually explicit texts or images. How insane is that? Not for me, thank you.

This of course is not to say that love is doomed- in fact, I think there’s been a resurgence in finding love outside of dating apps: meeting people in speed dating events or in runners clubs, and prioritizing authentic connections. And that’s fantastic! I believe we can welcome this cultural shift all the better when we value ourselves first.

So, what do we singles (a temporary status for most of us) do on a holiday for such joy? Must we stay inside, locked away, munching on cheap chocolate and drowning our sorrows in Merlot and Sex and the City reruns? Nay!

Treat Valentine’s as a day celebrating YOU! This is your day, baby! Treat yourself as you would a partner- be the love and change you wish to see in the world. After all, why not? What’s to fear in more love? This Valentine’s Day, single or no, I implore you to pick a few ideas from this list (a menu, if you will), and really, truly meditate on the love you have- or wish to have- for yourself. This does not mean treating yourself as better than anyone else, or prioritizing your needs over all the loved ones in your life. It means that you should value yourself, your heart, your mind, and your body, just as you would a romantic partner.

When people say “you cannot love someone until you love yourself first,” what they’re really saying (in an albeit roundabout way, but aphorisms are made to be twisted) is that if you do not value and care for yourself first, you are more likely to be taken advantage of by a romantic partner. This makes sense, right? Because you don’t know what it means or how it feels to value yourself, especially if you grew up and were undervalued. So, really, it is basically medically necessary to treat yourself well, to take yourself out on little solo dates,

Let’s pivot for a moment- come, take my hand, let’s see this through together. Let’s talk Dopamine Menus. They’re these cute lists of choices for what to do to help raise your dopamine levels naturally. Health Direct says dopamine “acts on areas of the brain to give you feelings of pleasure, satisfaction and motivation,” and activities like getting work done first (reduce stress), going for a short run, yoga, meditation, journalism, and all that jazz, really seems like they’d help.

They’re just a cute way to organize information, and to treat these healthy activities as options to peruse and mull over like you’re picking out a savory wine at a restaurant. So, with love as friends (🤔) in the air, perhaps go through this list, and select a few to do for Valentine’s. You could even start now, choosing a few items every week leading up to Valentine’s to really soak up the love!

So, without further ado, here is your menu, my esteemed guest:

Your first options, as appetizer, are my favorite Self Love Treats:

Self Love Treats

• Dessert! What’s not to love! Okay, so if a Costco chocolate cake or a fancy schmancy mille-feuille from a local patisserie (and no dirty dishes) are really your jam, feel free to buy. But hand baking your favorite homey dessert can really add something in the way of romance. Feel the love in every step- measuring the flour, breathing in the fresh vanilla, kneading the dough. Wow. How nice, to make yourself something that takes time and effort? Besides, the best desserts are home-made in my opinion.

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• I am actually not one to make playlists, but I have had them made for me, by both friends and boyfriends. Make yourself a curated playlist, no AI, no gimmicks- listen to some songs and match the lyrics to you. Build yourself up rather than put yourself down, here, too- you wouldn’t add “Creep” by Radiohead to a playlist with your lover’s name on it, would you? Okay, maybe you would, I don’t judge. But take this as a chance to really meditate on your favorite music, and pair it closer with you.

• Baths are supreme. Yes, I know, I think of the Carly from iCarly quote every single time I think about baths (TMI?), but they are SO cozy and nice. Draw yourself a hot bath, burn a candle or two for ambiance, and really soak. Some phone time in the beginning is fine- put on a movie, read a book, or just scroll as the heat releases tension from your muscles. But, when it’s time to wash up and scrub your hair, put it all away and just focus on you and your skin. Massage with a nice sugar scrub, and top with lotion (cocoa butter is niiiiiice) for a luxurious experience.

• Write a self love letter– similar to the playlist, this is a chance to look more deeply into yourself. See yourself, away from your preconceived notions about your life. Struggling to start? Start with the ole’ reliable: “Roses are red, violets are blue…” Don’t force it to rhyme if that’s not your vibe! Embody your inner Mister Darcy, and write a passionate love letter to yourself with truthful words you might struggle to with in person.

Bold Mains

• Cook something new: Pick a recipe that you’ve never tried before but are excited about, whether it’s an exotic dish, a challenging dessert, or a fun twist on something you love (think warm curries, homemade pasta, or the viral grinder sandwich, idk it’s your day, man). It’s about the experience and the joy of discovery, not perfection. The moment you plate your creation, complete with the FANCY plates, thank you, you will feel a rush of pride and comfort at being loved so thoroughly. Pinterest is full of great ideas, and if you don’t have a board saving recipes, you’re missing out!
• Sunset picnic date: Pack a picnic basket (or old Trader Joe’s Bag, let’s be honest) with your favorite foods (chips, juice, those cute little bento cakes in the shape of hearts and hand-decorated by you), a cozy blanket, and maybe even a bottle of wine or sparkling water. Find a scenic spot—perhaps a hilltop or a beach—and set up just before sunset (it happens early this time of year!). There are lots of trails in places you might not even realize, so don’t forget to check Google Maps or the AllTrails app for scenic locations near you! The anticipation of the sunset itself is a natural dopamine trigger, and the atmosphere makes everything feel more intimate.
• Try a new activity like a Bob Ross painting tutorial online: I did this with friends and it was a TON of fun to see how different all of our works turned out at the end. They’re free on YouTube, and don’t require a bunch of fancy oil paints- you can do them just as well with an Apple Barrel acrylic set found on Amazon or Walmart! Choose a fun one to do with the gals, and combine with wine or mocktails for a crazy fun night. Or, do this alone, and contemplate the meaning of those happy little trees. No one will question the fairy sprites you add between them, I promise.

• Take a dance lesson (or other activity): Okay, honest police here: I am not much of a dancer. But I remember from my brief middle school P.E. lessons with Zumba Fitness that dancing is a lot is fun and burns energy FAST. So, whether you’re into salsa (a classic, almost always offered at nearby colleges!), ballroom (Bridgerton, anyone?), or even TikTok dances, taking a dance lesson alone or with friends can be a super fun way to ring in the new year with some healthy habits. If you’re staying in, there are plenty of online dance tutorials you can follow- JustDance CAN be romantic, if you do it right. The key is to let go of any perfectionism and focus on having a good time—laughing as you trip over your feet is half the fun!
• Plan a weekend getaway: What around your hometown, within an hour’s drive or so, looks like it could be fun to check out? Yeah yeah, “I live in the middle of nowhere! There’s nothing fun!” and “I’ve already explored all there is to see in New York City, nothing surprises me anymore” are both types of statements I’ve heard in response to this advice. HOWEVER- I challenge you to find something new. The world is too vast, and things change quickly, so maybe something cropped up when you weren’t looking? For longer trips, just planning it out can be just as fun as the trip itself—researching activities, picking restaurants, or even just imagining the perfect weekend. The act of planning and imagining the fun ahead can trigger dopamine, and once you’re on the getaway, the new experiences will give you even more dopamine rewards.

Dessert

• Send cards to friends: In college, I signed up for a pen pal, and boy howdy did it become a chore fast. She made her cards so cutesy and detailed, including stickers, bags of tea, even hand pressed flowers. It got to the point that every time I saw a new letter from her in the mail, my heart sank, just a little. But THESE aren’t this way at all! They aren’t obligated, performative, or even expected. No one expects friendship Valentine’s cards, at least not since those elementary school days with the handmade mail boxes, so even a little effort feels like a lot. Look on Pinterest for cute designs, and, just like writing a letter to yourself, meditate on the person you are writing to and reflect on the meaning they have in your life. They will love it, and you will love yourself all the more for practicing gratitude.
• Volunteer: Similar to the above, giving more and being generous really helps raise our dopamine levels, and makes it easier to love ourselves. So, pick a cause that’s meaningful to you, whether it’s volunteering at a local food bank, helping out at an animal shelter, or organizing a community cleanup, and PUT IT IN YOUR CALENDAR! No, even better: search up local volunteer opportunities in your town, and call them today. No taksie-backsies. Volunteering genuinely feels so good, and is a way better way to spend your weekend than doomscrolling online. If you’re doing it with friends, it’s even more rewarding—volunteering together strengthens bonds while spreading kindness. Knowing that your actions make a difference can elevate your mood, and it’s a great way to channel love into your community.
• Host Galentine’s: An Insta-worthy gala replete with a dress code and themed appetizers, or a laid-back evening at home- whatever’s your speed, Galentine’s is the best way to celebrate the season of love. Organize a week or so in advance, calling up your best gals or anyone you care about and pick some fun activies—whether it’s a cozy night in with movies (Nosferatu-Binge, aka watch the 1922, 1979, and 2024 versions anyone? No?), a DIY brunch spread, or a craft station like bracelet making, painting, or even designing bouquets with random blooms people bring. Oooh, some of those ready to bake oven cookies from the grocery store would go great on a low-key night too. Keep the vibe lighthearted, with games, music, or even a mini “awards ceremony” celebrating your friends’ unique qualities- PowerPoint Nights were made for a Galentine’s! The effort you put into creating a space for people to connect and celebrate each other will lead to a heartwarming and fulfilling experience- even if your friends are too far apart, and you gotta celebrate online.

• Share happy memories: While this one might seem difficult to do naturally, it is so worth it to get it going. Gather your favorite people and have a memory-sharing session, whether it’s looking through old photos, watching videos of past events, or simply recounting funny or meaningful moments from the past. There’s always at least one awesome story-teller int he group, and this gives them their moment to shine. A PowerPoint night with friends, or a Round Robin or Thanksgiving gratitude style sharing with family around dinner works wonders. You can also create a memory jar where everyone writes down their favorite moments to read aloud later! Reflecting on the happiest parts of your life will bring those positive emotions flooding back, and sharing those moments with others will enhance the joy.

Out of all of these, the next one I want to try next with my gals is the picnic date. We plan to celebrate this Valentine’s Day, so be on the lookout for that post, and I am so excited to see how it all turns out! Each of these options above brings joy in its own unique way by focusing on connection, kindness, and positive reflection- all big things I’d like to think we’re planning on developing in 2025. Whether you’re sending a neatly decorated, volunteering your time, hosting a celebration, or luxuriating in a hot bath, the key is the intention behind the act, and the joy it brings to YOU. Treat yourself well, and you will start to recognize your value. Also, by adding meaningful experiences that lift OTHERS up, you’ll naturally lift your own spirits and create lasting dopamine-fueled memories.

Let me know if you’d like any more details or tips on any of these! I’d love to hear about how your forays into any of these activities went, and what you might do differently next time!

Thanks for reading <3